Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize