i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
