May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
