If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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