why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
