the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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