Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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