I'm jealous of your bromance
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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