I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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