you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Randomize
