so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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