watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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