If i come over, it means nothing
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
