Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
