I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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