remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He did a backflip because drugs
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