So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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