Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So much rum. So many feels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
