my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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