after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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