I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
