they need to just BURY HIM!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
what day is it and did you see me today?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
