I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
