I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
