Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
