If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
