I should be sponsored by Trojan
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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