Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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