I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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