Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize