Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
