He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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