and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
