Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
