I heard we made out
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
