the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
