My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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