Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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