Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
