the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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