I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need a beard to bite.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
