I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
