goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
