i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize