very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
