i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
