the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
