when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
