There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
