A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
