You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
