So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
