Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize