How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
