Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
