You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
