It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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