just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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