All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
