Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
