I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
