So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
