It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
