Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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