Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
