absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
