She's JV to your varsity
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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