is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
